been on the move for three days now. saturday night the cops came. don't know if they were looking for us, but they were looking for something, that's for sure. they beat the fuck out of one of the crank-heads at the door. i think they may have killed him.

meth houses are the only place where we can go and and not arouse any suspicion. to the crank-heads themselves we're just fellow junkies. even if they share our views, you can't trust them. the drug fucks with your head until you become meth. i can't say that i haven't been tempted to do some myself on a really bad night but i can't go there.

i'm so tired of the stink and the piss and shit everywhere, junkies puking in the corners. too bad we can't blend in with the country-club set instead. but this is the way it works. the crank-heads are already dead to people, so usually the cops don't bother them too much.

anyway, call me paranoid, but we've been moving to a different plave every night now for three days. i need a break. everything is spinning. this shit just can't go on like this forever.

mike came over to the hideout and we decided to lay low for a while. still no word on terry. nothing in the paper, either. this waiting is driving me crazy. the hours feel like weeks. every time i look at my watch and think at least two hours must have past since the last time i looked, it's been ten minutes. at least it's not cold anymore. i wish i had a book to read.

laid awake most of last night, trying to think about something constructive and positive but the thought that kept coming back to my mind was: "what difference have we made?" six years in the resistance now, we have nothing, always the fear, four good friends dead and two disappeared. for what? people are the same. they drive their suv's, go to the united church of america, swallow the same stale bullshit...

i guess the only concrete thing for us to do right now is just to exist! we may be miserable, we may not change people's minds and they kill us when they can, but we're still here! and people have to know that we are. president bechtel can keep saying that there is no organized rebellion, but we'll do all we can to remind them that we're here.

yesterday was tough.

terry was arrested last night. i always knew that her moody-ness would get her in trouble some day. maybe it was pms but when the cashier at wal*mart said "lord jesus bless you" her reply was supposedly "whatever". the little bitch immediately called homeland police and they took terry in for questioning. nobody can tell me what happened to the fucking backpack!!! she had the stickers with her. no gods - no masters. if she didn't manage to dump it we're all dead. or worse. love-camp.

i've never heard of anyone coming back from love-camp so learning about the love of jesus can't be good for your health. the thing i'm most scared about is not knowing what's going to happen to you there. my mind can come up with some bad ideas, especially when i dream. but i can't think like that.

man it's cold in here. gonna go sleep - i need energy for tomorrow. big day ahead.